Vipassana Meditation: Was it Worth It?
First things first, why would anyone go on a Vipassana meditation retreat?
*That is to say, ten days of:
No speaking
No gesturing or eye contact
No cell phones or computers
No books, no Kindles
No journaling
No recording
No heavy meals after noon
No yoga, jogging or exercise beyond walking
And approximately ten hours of Vipassana meditation per day
For most, it’s more than a daunting endeavor (I can’t tell you how many people’s first reaction was, “Oh, hell no!” when I told them I was going). Yet, tens of thousands of people of all races and religions, in both the East and West, have completed this exact ten-day course since 1969.
The website says it best, “The course requires hard, serious work.”
After sitting through this course, I sincerely believe you have to have the determination and dedication to your Self in order to make it through the ten days. It’s 100% worth getting to Day 10, but your mind will play many tricks convincing you otherwise, so come prepared if + when you feel called to do so.
With that out of the way, ten days of sitting enable most students (myself included!) to encounter real feelings of peace, harmony and happiness, as lifestyle defilements begin to breakdown and loosen their grip. Clarity ensues, insights are had, and a commitment to your highest Self begins.
How I first heard about Vipassana:
One of my dear friends who’s been on the spiritual / health / wellness lifestyle kick for years longer than I first shared her experience in 2015. Perhaps it was the challenge that allured me, or maybe the insights she shared (albeit, not her story about desperately talking to a fly in the bathroom by Day 6), either way I subsequently put it on my bucket list.
I learned more while reading 10% Happier by Dan Harris whose raw account shed more light on the random challenges that arise in silence. For example, while practicing determined sitting (aka not moving for a whole hour of body scan meditation) he found himself with a mouth full of saliva, unable to swallow. Eventually, he helplessly broke down and asked the assistant teacher what to do, to which the teacher responded, “Just swallow.”
Within a year of reading that book, I began working on getting MDitate up and running, which was conceptualized during the founder’s own Vipassana experience. Needless to say, when I departed from MDitate and began to travel, he encouraged me to attend a course during my travels and I made sure to do so.
Side note: there are various other types of silent meditation retreats around, offered for different course lengths and costs.
What specifically drew me to trying Vipassana was that it’s completely free and you’re not allowed to donate until after you’ve sat in a course (ten days is the minimum to start). All expenses are met by donations from previous students who want to pay the good will forward.
What was the Vipassana course schedule like?
Here’s a photo of the schedule to give you an idea of the day-to-day life. This is the same at every Vipassana center, everywhere in the world. The teacher discourses at the end of the day are recordings of S.N. Goenka, translatable to most languages so the message remains the consistent.
Cell phones are turned in on registration day, therefore in order to wake up each morning a bell is rung at 4:00a.m. Bells are also rung approximately 10 minutes before the start of a session. The group sessions are mandatory for everyone to be in the hall together, and starting on Day 4, you’re not allowed to move your body while in those sessions.
The meditation style is designed to focus your entire awareness into the present moment (as that’s all that’s real), without any distractions such as a mantra or visualization. The first three days are spent by focusing solely on the observation of your natural respiration (pure breathing), honing your attention to the area within your nostrils, outside your nostrils and above your upper lip.
On Day 4, you’re introduced to Vipassana, a body scan technique. As you’ve spent three full days (~30 hours) focusing, as best as you can, on just your breath, that single-pointed focus will now extend to a systematic scan from the crown of your head down to your feet. And again. And again. And again.
As soon as you realize you might not be thinking about the subtle sensations on your body or with your breath, you are to then refocus your attention back on the body. And again. And again. And again.
Feeling pain? Observe it.
Feeling pleasant sensation? Observe it.
In both instances, know that it will pass – nothing is permanent. Do not avert from feeling discomfort. Do not crave for it to be better than what it is. Observe, and move on. Again, and again, and again.
At the end of the day, you gather together in the meditation hall and (enthusiastically, by this point) get ready to listen to a Dhamma Talk, because it’s certainly better than meditating again (though, there is another session following it). Goenka elaborates on the why behind the technique, common concerns, and entertaining stories to illustrate his points.
Because the technique is so simple, it doesn’t conflict with any other type of religious practice. While Goenka shares universal Buddhist teachings in his discourses, he invites practitioners to see it as a supplemental way to live, not in contrast with anything else they may practice. (During the ten days, however, you must renounce any other meditative practices, prayers, forms of worship or ceremonies during the ten days to give Vipassana a fair trial.)
Did I discover any universal insights in the Vipassana retreat?
Absolutely.
Vipassana meditation hall in Menomonie, WI
First, I’d like to acknowledge how spectacular it was to recognize how these teachings coincide with what I’ve been studying in India (and will continue to study as I return for 6+ months in September). It really speaks to the universal nature of Vipassana and Sattva, as well as yoga.
The way S.N. Goenka teaches the course, pulls from many of the Buddhist tenants. I won’t get deep into them as there’s plenty of literature available and I’m quite novice, but essentially one truth of life is everyone suffers.
The root cause of all suffering stems from craving and aversion. When we attach ourselves to wanting something to be different than it is, we are creating boundless misery in our lives, incapable of being okay with what is.
This technique teaches you to encounter the present moment knowing that everything is impermanent. When something is painful (i.e. your back or knee after sitting for 8 hours on the first day, or even a death of a loved one) the best remedy is to realize that this will pass. You will not be in pain forever.
Likewise, when something is pleasurable (i.e. a free flowing sensation pulsing throughout your body on Day 7, or even a profound connection with a loved one), we can be fully present enjoying that moment, but know that this too will pass and we need not crave it when it’s no longer of the moment.
Life ebbs and flows, and the more we can go with the flow and tune into the present as it is, the greater access we have to consistent ease and joy, gratitude and generosity, wisdom and love.
What was my biggest challenge at Vipassana?
Okay, story time! (If you’re still with me;)
I got bored a lot of the time.
I also got really annoyed of hearing my own fears about not being enough. Over and over and over.
I realized I have perpetually sought outwards for approval (literally, for almost all ten days, I was coming up with narratives about my experience as it was happening!). I even created a to do list of all the things I wanted to do for others when I got out.
And then I realized, wait a second Meghan, why don’t you redirect this energy towards yourself?
Instead of writing a letter of apology to a family member, I began to write a note from my Self / my Love to Meghan (physical manifest). Intuitively, I recognized this inner narration to be vastly different from the mental chattered I’d been experiencing for the previous 7.5 days.
On the eighth day, as my Love / my Self / my Divine Nature was mentally writing me this letter, the waterworks started flowing. It was incredibly sweet and beautiful. I (Meghan) realized that my Love / Self is so, so, so kind. She’s been with me forever.
I got to meet her and her unconditional love. She let me know that she has been with me throughout all the pain I’ve ever experienced, throughout all the sorrow, the self-destructive behaviors, the anger. She’s also been with me during my biggest moments of celebration, through all the transitions, and every time I’ve experienced love.
And from that letter, I made a promise to her that I will always acknowledge her, that I will work to remember her within me, and to continue this dialogue.
Almost without a thought, we made a commitment to each other and decided to celebrate our union in a wedding ceremony.
The ceremonial hall was a combination of the Hagia Sofia and the Vatican. As I walked down the aisle, to my right was the spirit of every single male I have encountered in my life, young to old, infancy to now. Simultaneously, to my left were all the women, both sides cheering me on, genuinely expressing their happiness and joy for me.
Up in the pews behind the altar were all the people I’ve ever passed by unknowingly. And in the pews behind me were all the people we have yet to meet.
At the altar, my Love’s spirit was there, in between my father on one side and my mother on the other. We read our vows of commitment and remembrance to one another and united. (At this very moment, the bells indicating the end of the session rang!)
This all took place around 5pm on Day 8, after sitting with so much fucking agitation all day. Day 8 happened to be the exact day between my parents’ respective birthdays (they were born 16 days apart), which was also Lion’s Portal day 8/8. Little fun facts ;)
The following day also stirred up plenty of agitation during uneventful sessions, but near the end of it I had a visualization of being in utero and noticing my mom eating ice cream (which I know she often did while she was pregnant with me). Intuitively, I knew I was to cut the cord on that. I haven’t had refined sugar since the day Vipassana started and I plan to keep that going as long as feels appropriate!
Shereen’s insightful reflection on this was, “to me it seems the Golden Lesson was about discerning YOU amidst the context and relations of your life.” I can dig it.
…And was the experience what I had expected it would be before going?
Yes and no!
I remember pulling in and saying to Rikav, “I can’t believe I’m about to do ten days of body scan (a method I know I’m not super into) just to come out of it and go back to my own Sattva-inspired practice.”
And when I got out, I admitted, yep, that was true (and a limiting belief), but I still gained such profound insight that required time and determination.
I was more bored than I thought I would be throughout the practice. Which was agitating, so that was a reasonable exercise to acknowledge. How often do we allow ourselves to get bored these days? Despite not working for the past 8 months, I’ve managed to make myself rather busy.
But ultimately, (at least for now) I think I’ll stick to practices that involve connecting with others, celebrating life, utilizing kriyas, mantras, breathwork and the like. A holistic approach makes more sense to me as I continue down this journey.
Interestingly enough, both Vipassana and Sattva recommend their respective 2-hour per day practices to maintain gradual results. However, Sattva includes 30 minutes of asana in their prescription, which has huge sway in my opinion.
So, was 10 days of Vipassana meditation worth it?
Yes. I’m glad I sat for the ten days – it was by far and away one of the most challenging things I’ve ever done in my life. It also allows me to partake in shorter 3-day courses in the future, which sounds much more feasible.
Would I recommend it? Absolutely, so long as it calls to you and you are ready for a bootcamp style meditation course. Doesn’t matter if you’ve never meditated before or you’re a monk, it’s worth at least one go at it.
