Practicing Yoga Amidst Turbulence, Delays, and Loud Seatmates (...Without the Wine)
Ahh, the gift of a yoga practice. I’m not talking about the physical asana, rather the meditation, deep breathing, directing attention, observing reactions, and, as Ram Dass puts it, “seeing everyone as God in drag!” That was my practice during 12 hours of travel from Canggu, Bali to Ho Chi Minh City, Vietnam (formerly Saigon).
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When I last departed from Bali in July 2015, one of the island’s two active volcanos was spewing ash clouds. Enough ash that DPS airport was rumored to be closed. Hard to receive clear information, Lugar and I languished over the decision to head to the airport, anticipating our flight would be canceled along with so many others.
Much to our surprise, and likely to the surprise of the hoards of stranded tourists, our AirAsia flight was one of the handful of flights still on schedule to depart. While the planner in me was grateful I didn’t have to go through the headache of waiting to reroute, the practical, plane-crash-documentary-obsessed person in me was horrified.
But of course I had done research to discover that when ash goes through an airplane engine, it can spark and then combust (or something along those lines), thus leaving you without an engine, inevitably becoming another statistic of planes that crashed in the tropical depression zone of the Java Sea.
Surrounding my fears circulated this fun fact: “Since 2001, there have been at least 40 air accidents on Indonesian soil that resulted in fatalities, according to the website aviation-safety.net.” (The Telegraph, August 2015)
My heart raced, my palms clammed up, and my eyes stayed glued to the window watching our wings navigate through ashy clouds – until I couldn’t take it anymore and had to shut the blind. Though not particularly spiritual at this time, I prayed.
A tedious three hours later, we touched down in Singapore with several days before our next flight (upon which I sat next to a former air traffic controller who commented on how shaky the take-off from Kuala Lumpur felt… terrific!).
Add a few more harrowing flights in SE Asia to my roster and I returned home with flight anxiety, as well as an obsession with airplane crash videos on YouTube. I figured if I knew how and why planes crashed, I could somehow help seasoned pilots to avoid their vessels from stalling at 36,000 feet, or at least pick my seat strategically so as to escape being the part of the fuselage that goes up in flames.
Totally normal, right!?
Perhaps as a subconscious response to the anxiety caused by this SE Asia circuit and its often-turbulent flights, I enrolled in yoga teacher training and my practice of asana and beyond skyrocketed. With a few dozen flights under my belt between then and now, I finally took off on this 2019 adventure feeling at ease when pulling up to the airport.
Admittedly, since that 2015 trip (and before) I always drank before, oftentimes during, flights to soothe my nerves and surrender a bit of control during turbulence.
Fast forward to this past week – my mind kept returning to the last time I left from Bali, knowing I was to do that same trip again on Wednesday, February 6th. Every time the fear bubbled up in the form of storms, safety regulations, pilot competence and others, I worked to observe it and let myself be reminded I needn’t worry about that … for now, at least.
Premier meditation guide Sharon Salzberg uses a mantra to soothe her anxiety that I’ve since adopted: “Something will happen.”
In the weeks, days, hours, minutes leading up to take off, I kept repeating that phrase, “something will happen,” and releasing the fear with a pause, sometimes a deep sigh. There was truly nothing I could do in that moment, so just let it go, for now. I can worry about it later, if I so desire. Otherwise, just make sure to have everything that I could control under control (i.e. flight info, drive to the airport, friends/family at home posted about the trip, sorting out my next visa, et cetera).
When yesterday finally came, I made sure to wake early, do my morning routine (dream journal, sadhana, meditation, reiki, gratitude/manifestation journal) to feel as protected as I possibly could, within my control. My lovely driver/friend arrived 30 minutes early (he’s the best!) and I was on my way, with an abundance of time to spare.
Now, one thing that has shifted in my 26 days in Bali is a sacred space of sobriety. In the first 5 days there, I drank on 3 of them. Then 8 days passed until I had my next drink. Ten more days passed until I had my last night of drinking on February 2nd. The next morning, I woke up and innately knew that was it – I’m done drinking.
A total of drinking 5 times in 26 days is unheard of for me. I love sauvignon blanc, enjoying at least 2 glasses most days of the week. Since 2008, I also smoked weed more days than not.
It wasn’t until I went to Rishikesh, India for 2 weeks in November 2017 that I had my first taste of sobriety since high school (and really, since the earlier years of HS). Rishikesh is a dry town which was exactly what I needed – to be at a place where wine and weed weren’t even options. Moreover, at the Sattva Summit, Tommy Rosen lectured about his program Recovery 2.0 which infuses the 12 Steps with yogic philosophies. The mere concept of sobriety then etched its way into my consciousness.
When asking Tommy for guidance, his first question was, “Do you want to get sober?” to which I replied, “I don’t know.”
It took about a year from that point to arrive at knowing that I did, in fact, want to get sober. A journey on Ayahuasca confirmed it, along with sweet clarity, connectedness, and intentional living that I felt whenever I woke up from not drinking or smoking.
I may dive further into this realization later, but the point is I no longer had the crutch of free airport lounge wine to soothe my flight anxiety, not even in a place so triggering.
I’d like to think that I can always guess how a plane will feel in the sky based on how it performs on the tarmac. If it’s already bouncy on ground, how will its hydraulics function when we hit a patch of inclement weather? Not good, I imagine.
As our AirAsia X A330 pulled back from the gate, I didn’t have much confidence in its less-than-smooth jaunt. On top of that, I peered out the window (always need the window seat!) and noticed what I presumed to be fuel dripping on the runways. Great – turbulence and a fuel leak are in my future, I couldn’t help but think.
“Something will happen.”
When we took off, I admired a beautiful view of South Kuta, Bali – witnessing the spot I laid out on Jimbaran Beach and witnessed those fears of flying a week earlier. A wave of relief naturally came at the recognition of how perfect everything was in that moment.
My zen was short lived.
Our first patch of clouds rocked me and the plane. I noticed my hips tightening up, my palms sweating, my heart fluttering. Immediately, I turned to look out the window in hopes of seeing the ground, but there was only bright white. Without a flight map to nervously study, I turned to my compass app to check the elevation, which brought me no serenity as I saw we were above 46,000 feet (a height that instinctively feels too high to fly).
There was literally nothing I could do in that moment. Expecting to see a cabin full of worry, instead I looked around and saw kids playing on iPads, flight attendants getting ready to serve meals, people wandering to and from the bathroom – despite the turbulence. Was I crazy?! I mean… probably.
Turning to the solace of Yoga Girl’s podcast, Rachel began with dropping listeners into a deep breathing exercise. Just pausing, closing the eyes she guided us to draw out the length of the inhale, deep down into the belly, pause for a moment, and release the breath out through the mouth. Then just notice – where you are, in time and space, what is around you, how do you feel? This is it. This is the moment.
Something shifted in that moment. While I’ve done this very exercise hundreds, if not thousands of times, it clicked for me in an entirely new way. My tension released. I surrendered to the moment. There was nothing I could do but trust the pilots and crew and airline and weather. The only thing I could control was where my attention went.
In that moment I felt like Zach Braff in the opening scene of Garden State when he’s in the middle of a plane crash, mayday calls and all, but looking serenely tranquil as mantra music drowns out the background of screams and cries.
The next flight provided another opportunity to breathe through dis-ease, without the aid of a drink.
While sitting in another airport lounge, I found out my flight was delayed 1.5 hours (which would have been a fantastic opportunity to throw back at least 3 glasses of wine). Gratefully, I had terrific WiFi and was able to catch up on the most recent episodes of Broad City – not too shabby!
Upon boarding, I got the feeling that the Vietnamese man in the aisle seat really wanted to talk – a somewhat jubilant glow surrounded him, one I’m all too familiar with courtesy of said wine in airport lounges.
When a heavier-set, early-twenty-something sat down between us, a boisterous conversation ensued… and continued… for the duration of the 2+ hour flight. Admittedly, if I had indulged in wine, I don’t think I would’ve minded that they were only two people talking on this delayed, evening flight, but my sensitivity to sound alerted even me.
Oh well, what could I do? I’m a guest in a foreign country, this is only temporary, and at least I have more Yoga Girl podcasts that I can turn up to try to offset the volume of the neighboring conversation.
Plus: there was little to no turbulence on this flight, huzzah!
Sometimes it’s the little things that shake us when traveling. Actually – I think it’s often the little things that stir up something within us, allowing for a profound ripple effect to ensue.
I hope to continue to utilize these little challenges as opportunities to grow, be more chill, and have more epiphanies (like this!) through it all.
Would love to know if you have any shared experiences, realizations or tips you’ve found useful to cope with similar anxiety/experiences!
xx mk
