Diary Time: Obscurities / Magic Moments
I just had a catch-up session with one of my best friends from home, and while mentioning some occurrences in the past week, I realized just how abnormal my daily life now is.
For example, I shared how I met and hooked up with a Norwegian guy (my first hook up in about 4 months) following a cacao ceremony we both attended during a full moon party… on Tuesday night. We met while silently gazing into each other’s eyes (read: soul) and I felt some strong activation in my sacral chakra (which governs creativity and sexuality). The point of the exercise was to create and foster connections, without needing to say anything. It wasn’t until we reconnected on the dance floor later that I admitted the subtle energy rising, and within the hour we were making out.
All this was done in a completely sober environment, mind you.
…
The evening was capped off(?) by a 2 a.m. hike up to see the sunrise from an active volcano with a few new friends and some dope borrowed hiking shoes (thanks, Universe!).
(lol, I was just interrupted while writing this as Abi, my Balinese driver / friend, knocked on my homestay door with a coconut and mangostines from his uncle’s garden to share with me… totally normal, right!?)
So, I suppose for my own recollection purposes and way of having perspective I’d care to share some obscure things that have happened, compromises made, and insights had since touching down on the opposite side of the world about 6 weeks ago…
In India my friends and I named these ‘magic moments’ – so let’s go with that again!
« BEGINNING WITH THE MOST ESOTERIC » DREAMS:
Last night I dreamed I was pregnant with twins, and woke up to find that I got my period for the first time in several weeks (late due to travel – I discovered this happens to a lot of women on the road)
A friend that I had wronged in high school forgave me in a dream two nights ago
Out of thousands of contestants, I received news in my dream that I won the Airbnb Italian Sabbatical that I applied for (and have been working on manifesting)
Dreams about the magnificence of the third chakra and its city of jewels – how powerful and radiant it is! (I struggle with this chakra, as it’s where I experience fear and anxiety.)
« EVOLUTIONS IN ANOTHER SPACE » YOGA + MEDITATION:
As one class began, we were asked to imagine seeing ourselves completely healed. I saw myself glowing in a bright light, with deeply loving eyes radiating at everyone and everything – just a beacon of hope and health to share with all. No sadness, no pain, no fear – just bliss.
I’ve been navigating my heart energy over my third chakra and heart to heal; heart and sacral chakra to start to activate healing there.
Not masturbating, no sexual interests, just honing my own shakti for a couple months after a previous relationship ended, just to reset… and then it naturally started to reawaken. Upon this experience of reawakening, I woke up from a sex dream and masturbated. That night I was asked out on a date. Followed by two separate occasions (once over tea with a friend, once sitting on the beach with a friend, once while walking down the street) and none of which I acted upon, as it didn’t feel quite right yet – but I felt that the subtle energy I was experiencing was starting to radiate outwards.
Also, orgasmed once during a dream while watching two girls make love.
Completed a 40-day sadhana to release egoic attachments (8 count inhale, 8 hold, 8 sniffs out, 8 hold while gazing at my nose tip and tips of thumbs touching, other 8 fingers tucked in towards the palm – 11 minutes, followed by quiet observation). During these 40 days I recognized my attachment to drinking/smoking/numbing and wanted to release it – which I did and am now 3 weeks sober! (as of 2.25.19 / 34 days at time of publishing on 3.9!)
Currently practicing a 40-day sadhana of pumping belly to wahe guru 16 times per breath – moving dense energy from lower half towards the lighter upper half of subtle body; transcending darkness and enjoying the ecstasy of moving towards light!
Feeling high during Tantra Hatha yoga classes at The Practice – actually feeling the energy move throughout my being, harnessing my strength, power and standing in it with full presence.
Recognizing that our prana leaks most easily through our eyes – when I’m gazing around the room in a yoga class, I can’t help but judge my fellow practitioners, especially in a new environment… which is really an extension of my own judgments on myself. So vital that I turn inwards to work on being more compassionate to myself, caring less about what others think so I can also care less about whether someone else is doing something right or wrong by my standards.
When I exercised relinquishing care about people watching me walk 35+ minutes to the Canggu gym in my hiking boots (this includes, but is not limited to: all the beautiful surfers & Balinese construction workers who enjoyed commenting on my Sportivas), a handsome hippie surfer dude gave me a thumbs up and the construction workers weren’t there that day. When I surrendered the universe had my back!
« OTHER MISC. REFLECTIONS ON » GOING WITH THE FLOW:
Upon arriving I was slightly overwhelmed at being here by myself, especially in Canggu which is a very western area of Bali = a lot of focus on individualism and less community, arguably opposite of Ubud, a very conscious community environment. However, I was greeted within a day of a friend/MDitate colleague freshly moving to Canggu and we practiced yoga together.
When I left Canggu I cried due to my attachments of comforts. But upon heading north to Amed (following the advice of local Abi), I was greeted with a friend from BU, whom I absolutely hit it off with and has fast become one of my best friends!
From Amed, I was close to the Gilis and headed there by myself, only to meet a couple other now dear friends whom I’ve met up with in Ubud and Canggu since. They both bring me such pure joy and love!
I realized I am embraced by a foreign country and new friends by falling down stairs:
The first day I was in India in 2017, I went on a hike with two new friends (one whom became my spiritual mama) and slipped and fell in cow poop – all I could do was laugh hysterically by the cosmic joke.
When I met up with Alysa (MDitate friend / first Bali homie) for yoga, I slipped down the wet stairs heading out of the studio. Couldn’t help but laugh again!
The first Vietnamese restaurant I went to with Michelle (Saigon tour guide and first social interaction I had in Vietnam) featured a steep staircase down, which I promptly slid down after our first food stop. Good Morning Vietnam!
The lunar new year in Vietnam meant that many shops, restaurants, and sights to see were closed upon arriving there, much to my surprise. However, after making a snafoo in booking my affordable hotel for March instead of February, and then the hotel kindly honoring what I paid and still fit me into a large room, with speedy wifi might I add. So I took this as a wonderful opportunity to decompress, write, read, practice, watch movies, and straight-up chill. Reflecting on my updated intentions for the Lunar New Year!
What I’d like to manifest, in the spirit of the lunar new year // aligning with my north node in Aquarius and south node in Leo:
Community
Cultivating true friendships
Sensitivity towards the needs of others
What I’d like to release:
Too much of a focus on the external self
Fear of branching out
Expecting myself to be or act a certain way to please others
Taking things too personally
Having a goal of climbing Mt. Batur a couple times before heading up to Nepal, I was hoping to go at least once while I was living in Canggu. Upon arriving in Ubud for the full moon party, Shereen’s (BU bestie) friend messaged her with plans to go hiking that night and pull an all-nighter. With only my rainbows, my practical mind resisted the plans because I didn’t have proper gear – but not to fear, Shereen coordinated amazing shoes for me, thus all-nighter hike here we go! It was magical.
Balinese new year (Nyepi) has been on my radar since I first heard about it in 2015. It’s a day of no electricity, no flights/boats go in/out of the island, praying at temples, honoring spirits, and warding off any bad omens for the upcoming year with fire ceremonies. The best part is that because there’s no light pollution the nighttime sky is magnificent and populated with infinite stargazing. By going with the flow, it turns out that I am going to be in Ubud for it – a spiritual spot on the island!
Moments of moving from one spot to the next are some of the most blissful moments during this trip. When I’m in the passenger seat, going from one point to the next, there’s nothing I love more than just staring out the window and seeing where I’m being taken towards. Taking in everything, taking in nothing specific. Seeing all the people, the energy, the colors, the sights, the smells, the sounds; simply observing the daily life of others makes me supremely high! That is when I feel so complete, content, happy.
Being an observer of a poly community and learning about how it is to love, connect, relate in that way – but just observing for now
Having some of the tastiest desserts of my life and not feeling guilty about them
Observing how conditional my love is
Recognizing the importance of community in life
My hair is growing way faster in this environment
Briefly met a Danish guy in the HCMC airport who asked incredibly confronting questions about my upbringing, my savings for this trip, and life purpose while we were waiting in line for immigration. As soon as I made a contemptuous comment about my paternal relationship, I immediately regretted it. The Dane then openly explained his relationship with his father and it made me realize his dad might have posed far more challenges than mine. What a nice reminder from the universe to mind my words and to let go of old wounds.
…
The fact that this blog is living and breathing as its own entity, and that I have no idea who is reading it (or not) kind of boggles my noggin. It’s so easy for me to write this shit, what’s more difficult is to not attach myself or care about what it is that I’m writing and sharing.
Before I departed, I told my friends I wanted to be as candid as possible with this and I think that’s a reflection of me wanting to let go of my expectations for myself, to fit into a perfect mold. So what if my diction and syntax aren’t sublime? So what if this doesn’t have a massive reach? So what if I embarrass myself in the process? Good! Let it suck, let it serve its purpose – large or small.
Remember: embrace the discomfort, Meghan. Embrace the growth, the change, the weirdness of this life – that’s what’s making it so fucking beautiful. It’s what’s making you come alive! Each connection you make ripples deeply within your spirit, and when attuning vibrations to a higher accord you can learn how to let the bullshit go (namely caring what other people think about your life). LET THAT SHIT GO!
I’m just putting it out there, and whomever reads this will read this. They’ll have an experience with it, or they will not. But at the end of the day, I’m happy to have something to look back on, even if it makes me cringe down the line. Because this life is pure magic and I’m incredibly grateful to be pinching myself during all the magic moments (and otherwise!).
